The Musings of a Christian, a thinker and a wondering wanderer.
My Xbox is still broken in that it fucks up games. BUUUT, i still use it to play dvds (DVDs apparently spin slower than Xbox games, and have never broken on me like the games have) and listen to music.
Now I can also use it to listen to Last.fm Radio through my TV! WOOOT!
*does a dance*
Sleepy.
She’s home. She’s in a bit of pain, and she feels annoyed at a select few of her friends (none of which read this blog, don’t worry), but she seems to be relatively okay.
I have begun a new project. To further my possibly fruitless (but hopefully enjoyable) journey to become a decent writer, I am working up a theory for a new blog. In the past I have attempted to put somewhat serious and well thought out essays or articles on this blog, and due to the nature of this blog, they have come out rushed, weak, and awkward. The reason is simple. I started Ramblings to be a place to do just that, ramble. The only thing that belongs here is impulsive rants, not anything that coudl be called a “work”.
I am drafting a few things to put up, because its always best to have the first few posts worked out before putting up something serious online. It gives you time to generate further content without feeling the pressure to put something new up all the time. This may or may not go anywhere, but I might as well put my best foot forward.
New Southpark on tonight for me, new Southpark for my brit friends tomorrow.
Lubs all.
One of the major pressures in my life has been relieved temporarily, and now i’m stuck worked up, frustrated and confused about what I’m supposed to be doing. I mean yes, there is the typical day to day stuff, but in general, i’ve got this feeling of listlessness; existing with no real direction or goal.
Maybe this will go away when i get back to the usual routine, when the pressure kicks back up.
I had to reschedule the appointment with my shrink today, because of mom’s accident yesterday. We weren’t sure if mom was going to be okay today, and dad didn’t want to leave not being sure.
Does anyone really understand the feeling I described earlier? The sort of… lost feeling. Everything is almost as it usually is, but take away that one source of pressure and i go “AAAH! WHAT NOW?”
I do have this feeling, that I’d like to make or accomplish something. But I don’t know if i have the time, patience of privacy to really get anything done. I dunno. I am tired of constantly being surrounded by people, yet slightly lonely. Its not that I’m abandoned or anything, my family and friends are great, but sometimes i feel like I’m alone in a lot of ways, I’m not really sure how to put it.
Lu is still in the hospital. I think she gets out tomorrow. I can’t wait to see her. Both ways.
Wz has seemed distant. Not in a cold or negative way, but in a “I need to have more alone time” way. I think i’m doing better at letting her. Of course mentioning it here probably defeats that purpose. Oh well.
I’m tired. Not sleepy, but… just… i don’t know. Tired. Monotony.
I didn’t get out to walk today, but I’m going to tomorrow. I’m generally happier when I do.
Today mom got in a small car accident. She went to the emergency room and after waiting over an hour to be seen, she decided to come home. Her back and neck hurt a bit, and she had a headache earlier. She’s going to the doctor’s Thursday, unfortunately they did not have any earlier appointments.
My left wrist hurts a bit, I’m not sure why but I don’t think its going to be a huge issue.
Still waiting for Lu to get home from the hospital on Wednesday. I can’t wait to see her.
I’ve always done it. I have a weird vocabulary, and I don’t always know how to translate or simplify things, and when i try they think I’m talking down to them. Its not just current friends, i got made fun of in school for the same reason. “John uses big words, must be full of himself”.
I don’t know why I talk like i do, i just do.
Am i going to always be that weird guy that no one likes cause I don’t relate well?
*headdesk*
I knew she would be for a few days, but I’m sort of worried that she hasn’t contacted Wz and let us know she’s alright. As far as i know, she may not be, and that’s sort of messing me up. I realllly hope to hear from her, or from Wz who heard from her, that she’s okay and all went as planned. Eeek.
Of course, in a few days, she may read this. So i’m gonna say hi, this was written when you were deep under and sleeping off anesthetics! Wipe that drool missy.
Love for Lu, and all my friends really, including my newest one, whom shall be named… Rc.
Is having her surgery tomorrow. I called her last night and told her I was praying for her and I loved her, and the family is doing the same. Wz is keeping us updated through the use of Lu’s cat’s Facebook account. I’m simultaneously excited for her and intensely worried about one of my best friends. Prayers and thoughts from anyone who stumbles across this would be appreciated.
I want to get back into regular blogging. I plan to use this of course, but i’m wondering if I’d remember to stay on it better if i created a project blog, something more focused instead of this random thing.
I went to give a speech for my speech class on Wednesday, and TOTALLY FREAKIN BOMBED IT!!!!!!!!
I stood there, mumbled, forgot to read my guide, only covered a few of my main points and freaked the fuck out. Could be related to the fact that I never once practiced said speech. I think i’ll do better next time, but I am fairly embarrassed at this failure!
I kinda freaked out when i came home wednesday night, but i’m doing better.
I may fail this course, but I can afford the F. Worst Case Scenario I take it again.
LB, Who I haven’t seen for a day or two and sorta miss, got a netbook! That is totally awesome! I WANT ONE lol. Ooh, I never asked what operating system it runs on. I should do that.
LH went to church today. She mentioned something about it, but i didn’t notice and now i feel bad.
This week I am starting two new courses, and while i’m not too bothered by it, I am slightly annoyed that I have to go see two speeches and analyze them. Meh, I’m not really that bitchy about it, but I am annoyed.
I have been toying with the idea of writing a post describing how i envision or understand God. I’m not claiming to have some special knowledge or anything novel, or even to be right, but i think writing down what i think and feel about him may help me organize my thoughts. The more i think about it, the more i want to do it, I’ll start tonight.
But life goes on.
I got my money today and bought a few nice things that ive been wanting.
one of them being pearl jam’s ten rerelease.
does anyone still read this thing?
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